dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
