Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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