why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
