people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
