I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
