Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
