I met the friendliest cop last night
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
