This girl is more easily done than said...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
