your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The best revenge is premature balding
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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