I like my sex mixed with concussions.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
