I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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