What did we do last night that was yellow?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
