He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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