i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just invented taco cereal.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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