i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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