the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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