dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
