chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
