Barsexuality is the new black.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
