It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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