So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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