Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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