Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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