thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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