I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize