so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
