No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
