Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
