This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
