Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
