Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
