Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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