these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
