I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
