Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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