Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
