Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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