JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
