i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
