Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
