My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
