This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
