if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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