I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
