you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
