Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
