The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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