saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
