As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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