goodnight i made you a song goodbye
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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