I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
