dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
