OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Randomize
