Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
