It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
