Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
