And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
