If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
