i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
