I forgot how hot balto sounded
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
