im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Randomize
