It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
