I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
