Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
whose ass print is on the piano?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
wow bdsm is so cute
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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