omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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